Disarm Mom Guilt
Your 3-Step Path to Peace & Power
As a holistic and trauma-informed self-trust coach for burned-out, people-pleasing moms, I know firsthand the heavy weight of mom guilt. It’s that persistent whisper telling you you’re not enough, that your needs are secondary, and that any moment of self-prioritization is inherently selfish. But what if we could disarm that guilt, not by ignoring it, but by understanding its roots and implementing powerful, actionable steps?
This protocol is designed to help you gently, yet firmly, release the grip of mom guilt, allowing you to step into a more peaceful, present, and empowered motherhood. It’s about building self-trust and recognizing that your well-being is the foundation for your family’s well-being.
Step 1: Identify Your Unmet Needs and Desires
For many of us, years of putting everyone else first means we’ve lost touch with what we truly need to feel nourished, alive, and whole. This isn’t about being selfish; it’s about self-awareness which is a crucial first step in healing from the trauma of constant self-neglect.
Start by gently asking yourself some profound questions, without judgment:
What brings me joy?
What makes me feel truly rested?
What makes me feel challenged and engaged?
What do I miss doing that I once loved?
What makes me feel like a kid again?
Perhaps your unmet needs are quiet time to read, a creative outlet, dedicated time for exercise, connecting with friends, pursuing a personal project, or simply uninterrupted sleep. Be honest with yourself. These aren’t frivolous desires; they are essential components of your well-being. Acknowledging them is a powerful first step towards honoring them.
Step 2: Set and Communicate Healthy Boundaries
Once you’ve identified your needs, the next critical step is to set healthy boundaries. This is often the most challenging, but also the most liberating, aspect of reclaiming yourself. Boundaries are not about keeping people out; they are about protecting your energy, your time, and your mental space. This involves saying “no”, politely but firmly, to requests that don’t align with your priorities, delegating tasks, and communicating your needs clearly to your family and friends.
Setting boundaries is a trauma-informed practice because it helps you regain a sense of control and safety within your own life, especially if you’ve been conditioned to people-please.
Actionable Tips for Setting Boundaries:
Start Small: Practice setting boundaries in low-stakes situations first. For example, “I can’t take on that extra co-op task right now.”
Communicate Clearly and Kindly: “I’d love to help, but I’m unable to commit to that at this time.” Or, “I need to have a quiet hour to myself after the kids go to bed to recharge.”
Be Consistent: Boundaries are most effective when they are consistently upheld. Your family will learn to respect them over time.
Delegate: You don’t have to do it all. Can your partner take on bedtime routines twice a week? Can older children help with any cleaning tasks?
Boundary Your Time: Create “sacred” time slots for yourself, even if they are short. Communicate these to your family. “Mommy has 30 minutes of quiet time now, then I’ll be ready to play when the timer goes off.”
Manage Your Internal Critic: This is a boundary within yourself. When that voice of guilt creeps in, acknowledge it, and then consciously choose to pivot to self-compassion. “Thank you for sharing, Inner Critic, but I am choosing to prioritize my well-being right now.” (You can even name your inner critic so you can begin to separate it from who you are.)
Step 3: Reconnect with Your Inner Wisdom and Embrace “Good Enough”
Reclaiming yourself also involves reconnecting with your inner wisdom — that intuitive knowing that resides within you. The constant noise of external expectations and mom guilt can drown out this vital voice. Tuning into your intuition and building self-trust requires intentional practice, but it’s a skill that will serve you immensely in all areas of your life. Coupled with this is the liberating concept of “good enough.” The pursuit of perfection is a thief of joy, especially in motherhood. Your children don’t need a perfect mom; they need a present, loving, and authentic mom.
Simple Practices for Connecting with Your Inner Wisdom:
Mindful Moments: Take just a few minutes each day to sit in silence. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and simply notice what thoughts and feelings arise without judgment.
Journaling: Free-write about your feelings, decisions you’re facing, or moments of conflict. Often, solutions or clarity will emerge as you write.
Body Scans: Pay attention to your physical sensations. Where do you feel tension? Where do you feel ease? Your body often holds wisdom about your emotional state.
“What do I need right now?”: Regularly pause and ask yourself this question. Listen for the subtle answers – not what you should do, but what you truly need.
Nature Walks: Spend time outdoors without distractions. The grounding effect of nature can help quiet the mind and open up space for intuition.
Reflect on Past Decisions: Think about times you trusted your gut, and it worked out well. This builds confidence in your intuitive abilities.
By consistently engaging in these practices, you will gradually strengthen your connection to your inner wisdom, empowering you to make choices that are authentic to you and truly serve the well-being of your entire family. You’ll discover that your well-being is not just important – it’s essential. You deserve it, and so does your family.
Ready to cultivate that internal calm and unwavering self-trust?
If you’re ready to learn that internal calm is accessible independent of external circumstances, recognize that self-compassion is the prerequisite for self-regulation, and understand that your intuition is your most reliable compass for personal safety, then my Your Inner Sanctuary mini course is for you. This $7 mini offer is designed to help you find your peace amidst the chaos of motherhood. [Your Inner Sanctuary Awaits…]
Stay fierce Mama Bear.