3 Simple Self-Checks to Know if It's Intuition or Just Anxiety
The Great Divide: Is That Intuition or Just Anxiety?
The Crisis of Inner Confusion
As a mom, you’re drowning in decisions: Should you intervene at the playground squabble? Is this big career move right for your family? Should you prioritize a night out with friends over an early bedtime? Is it time to start trying for another baby?
You desperately want to listen to your “gut feeling,” but too often, that feeling leads to a spiral of second-guessing, panic, and decision paralysis. You end up exhausting yourself trying to make the perfect choice, fueled by a relentless sense of obligation and fear.
Here’s the truth your trauma-informed coach wants you to know: That confusing inner noise is often your survival system, not your guide.
Your gut feeling—your intuition—is calm, clear, and steady. Anxiety is loud, rushed, and demanding. The key to putting yourself first is learning to tell the difference.
Self-trust is not about ignoring fear; it’s about acknowledging where that fear comes from. It’s about recognizing that as a mom, you are the most important person in your own life, and only your calm, regulated wisdom can lead your family well.
I’m going to walk you through 3 Simple Self-Checks rooted in a holistic and trauma-informed understanding of your body.
🔍 Self-Check 1: Location and Regulation (The Body Scan)
The fastest way to distinguish intuition from anxiety is to check where the feeling lives in your body and how your nervous system is responding.
Intuition: The Anchor Point
Intuition is rooted in your rest-and-digest (parasympathetic) nervous system. It feels grounded and expansive.
Location: Often felt low in the body—a centered feeling in the belly, the deep solar plexus, or a heavy, grounded feeling in the chest.
Sensation: Stillness, quiet certainty, a sense of knowing without needing proof. Your breathing remains slow, and your muscles are soft. It’s a calm energy.
Anxiety: The Alarm Bell
Anxiety is an activation of your fight-or-flight (sympathetic) nervous system. It’s built for urgency and perceived threat.
Location: Usually felt high and tight—a clenched jaw, a constricted throat, a fluttering in the upper chest, or the racing thoughts in your head.
Sensation: A rush of adrenaline, rapid or shallow breathing, heart racing, and a feeling of need—the need to fix, flee, or control. It’s a frantic energy.
💡 Quick Action Tool: The “Pause and Place”
Before taking action on a decision, place one hand on your belly and the other on your heart. Take three slow breaths, exhaling longer than you inhale. Now, ask: “Where do I feel the main energy of this decision right now?”
If the answer is high and rushed, you are not in a regulated place to hear your intuition. Your first job is always to regulate your nervous system before making the choice.
⏳ Self-Check 2: Time and Urgency (The Trauma Lens)
Anxiety always operates in the past or the future, demanding immediate action. Intuition exists in the present. This is a crucial trauma-informed distinction.
Anxiety: The Protector
Anxiety is often a protector born from
past experience. It takes a current, low-stakes situation (e.g., your child is crying about the wrong cup or spoon) and connects it to an old, high-stakes threat (e.g., “If I don’t fix this instantly, I will fail as a mother, just like I failed at X in the past”).
Timeline: Demands a choice right now to avoid a catastrophic future outcome. It whispers, “If you wait, it will be too late. You must react immediately.”
Tone: Highly prescriptive, critical, and judgmental. It uses “should” and “have to.”
Intuition: The Guide
Intuition offers insight without attachment. It points you toward your values and holds space for you to move with intention.
Timeline: Tells you what you need to know now to prepare for the future. It allows for space and time: “This is the right path, but you don’t need to decide this second. Take another day.”
Tone: Neutral, supportive, and compassionate. It uses “I feel” and “I value.”
💡 Quick Action Tool: The “Compassion Filter”
When a decision feels urgent and high-stakes, filter the inner voice through this question: “If I were a compassionate friend giving myself advice, what would I say?”
Anxiety will say: “You should be ashamed if you don’t do this.”
Intuition/Compassion will say: “You’ve done the best you can with the information you have. Take a breath and trust that you have time to choose wisely.”
🌱 Self-Check 3: Expansion vs. Contraction (The Self-Trust Metric)
Ultimately, self-trust is built on choices that lead to expansion—more space, more ease, more energy. Anxiety-driven choices lead to contraction—more overwhelm, less energy, and more resentment.
When you put yourself first, you are intentionally choosing expansion.
Anxiety Leads to Contraction:
If you choose to act from this place, the result is usually tightening your schedule, constricting your energy, and fueling resentment—the opposite of self-trust. You feel obligated and drained.
Example: You agree to the demanding committee role because you’re afraid of what others will think (Anxiety). Result: You lose two nights a week of vital rest.
Intuition Leads to Expansion:
If you choose from your intuitive, regulated wisdom, the decision honors your capacity and values. It opens up space in your life, even if the initial step felt uncomfortable.
Example: You decline the demanding role because you know you need that evening time for your own regulation (Intuition). Result: You maintain your energetic boundaries, feel less frantic, and have more joyful, regulated presence when you are with your children.
💡 Quick Action Tool: The “Energy Audit”
Take the option you are leaning toward and imagine one week living with that decision.
“Does this choice give me energy or take it away?”
“Will this choice lead to resentment toward my partner or my children?”
If the decision leaves you feeling depleted or resentful, it’s a choice driven by fear (Anxiety). A self-trusting choice ensures that your cup—the source of life for your whole family—stays full.
The Ultimate Act of Self-Trust
Learning to recognize the difference between intuition and anxiety is the most powerful act of putting yourself first. It means reclaiming the authority that societal pressure, perfectionism, and past trauma tried to take away.
You are not just a mother; you are a fully complex person whose wellness is the single most important factor in your family’s happiness. Your regulation is their foundation.
If you’re ready to move beyond constant second-guessing and begin building an unshakeable sense of inner safety, you need a blueprint. This work starts with finding a regulated, safe space inside yourself.
Are you ready to create a reliable inner guide and stop letting anxiety call the shots? Download your free Meltdown Compass today to learn how to remain calm during your child’s meltdown and ensure you do not have one of your own.